I am thinking of taking a picture of one thing everyday that coincides with whatever mood I am in. I don't know if I like the idea yet or if I will do it, but it might make this blog a little more interesting and it might give me something to focus on. I also might start including my mileage at the bottom of my blogs. Not a whole blog or a whole entry just an excerpt at the bottom or something.
It is kind of weird to talk about things I might do because I am traditionally a very spur of the moment person and I don't plan or set out to do anything because I will jinx myself or I know I will fail or loose interest, which leads to a never ending cycle of self esteem issues. I know that sounds a little lame, and it is! I am the epitome of a slacker. I am currently on a quest to find out what a 'better person' is and to mirror that as much as possible. I don't even know that being 'better' is what I am really setting out to do, but more so, a 'normal' person.
Between my 2 jobs, the running (which I am not happy with my progress so far), and if I decide to do this photo blog project, I will have plenty to keep me busy, but I am nervous about having the energy and willpower to keep it going. I am already slipping on my running and fitness and eating so that is what is keeping me from jumping in on the photo thing.
I still have aspirations to run my half marathon, I am just behind on training. I will keep working though!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Females...
I wish that I could live one day without being affected by bipolar disorder or depression! If it isn't me, it's my mom or my sister or my mother-in-law. Is this just a female thing? It is a beating. Is this bipolar disorder or is this just how females act?
Up until earlier this year I did not have this problem. I have always dealt with my mom and tried to understand how she is thinking or feeling, but now I just can't handle it the same way. I don't have the patience or the understanding.
It seems like everything is falling apart now! Well, there is not really anything else to say about this. Thanks for listening.
Oh, speaking of loopy females... Happy Birthday, Beth
Up until earlier this year I did not have this problem. I have always dealt with my mom and tried to understand how she is thinking or feeling, but now I just can't handle it the same way. I don't have the patience or the understanding.
It seems like everything is falling apart now! Well, there is not really anything else to say about this. Thanks for listening.
Oh, speaking of loopy females... Happy Birthday, Beth
Thursday, November 20, 2008
These are the Days of My Life
Like sands from the hour glass.....
Today is Thursday and this week has taken sooo long! I can't remember time going by this slow in a while. Monday I actually ran 5 miles, which I needed so bad. Tuesday I sat in the hot tub and drank a beer rather than doing any strength training (can we say counterproductive). Wednesday I had to work, which I should be doing more of these days than I am. Today, I brought my running clothes so that I can run either at lunch or when I get off work.
My ex-best friend and I have been talking a little more lately. Tuesday she texted me as part of a mass text about getting a bunch of people together to go eat Friday for her birthday. I already made plans for Friday (which, as of yesterday, may fall through) and I told her that. She has not asked me to do anything with her since March or April of this year. I admit that I am kind of glad that I had other plans and had to say 'No' to her. You know how it is, you don't want to seem too available.
On one hand I want to do something for her and acknowledge her birthday. On the other hand, I STILL have some resentment toward her and I am having a difficult time letting go because she is such a different person. I don't like her current lifestyle or her new friends. I do realize that I have no control over any of that and it isn't my business. But, it does change who she is as a person and going back to a previous post, she is not someone with whom I would be friends with if I just met her today.
I would like to be friends with her again, but I want to be friends with her and not who she has become. So, I am now in the position of actually hanging out with her at some time over the weekend. On top of that, the plans that I made for Friday are probably going to fall through, so now I have to make the decision to go to her dinner thing (I don't want to be around her friends or around her when she is with her new friends). Or, I don't go and she finds out that I didn't do anything and didn't come to her birthday.
This would not normally be such a big deal; I would just blow her off and move on, but it seems like this might be a step towards mending things. This is a pivotal time where I have to decide if I want to be friends anymore.
It seems like I gripe about the same things over and over again. For that, dear readers, I am sorry. These are the trivial things that go on in my life, unfortunately.
Oh yeah, also this week, my mom said she was not going to talk to me anymore. Lovely
Today is Thursday and this week has taken sooo long! I can't remember time going by this slow in a while. Monday I actually ran 5 miles, which I needed so bad. Tuesday I sat in the hot tub and drank a beer rather than doing any strength training (can we say counterproductive). Wednesday I had to work, which I should be doing more of these days than I am. Today, I brought my running clothes so that I can run either at lunch or when I get off work.
My ex-best friend and I have been talking a little more lately. Tuesday she texted me as part of a mass text about getting a bunch of people together to go eat Friday for her birthday. I already made plans for Friday (which, as of yesterday, may fall through) and I told her that. She has not asked me to do anything with her since March or April of this year. I admit that I am kind of glad that I had other plans and had to say 'No' to her. You know how it is, you don't want to seem too available.
On one hand I want to do something for her and acknowledge her birthday. On the other hand, I STILL have some resentment toward her and I am having a difficult time letting go because she is such a different person. I don't like her current lifestyle or her new friends. I do realize that I have no control over any of that and it isn't my business. But, it does change who she is as a person and going back to a previous post, she is not someone with whom I would be friends with if I just met her today.
I would like to be friends with her again, but I want to be friends with her and not who she has become. So, I am now in the position of actually hanging out with her at some time over the weekend. On top of that, the plans that I made for Friday are probably going to fall through, so now I have to make the decision to go to her dinner thing (I don't want to be around her friends or around her when she is with her new friends). Or, I don't go and she finds out that I didn't do anything and didn't come to her birthday.
This would not normally be such a big deal; I would just blow her off and move on, but it seems like this might be a step towards mending things. This is a pivotal time where I have to decide if I want to be friends anymore.
It seems like I gripe about the same things over and over again. For that, dear readers, I am sorry. These are the trivial things that go on in my life, unfortunately.
Oh yeah, also this week, my mom said she was not going to talk to me anymore. Lovely
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Warning: For Mature Audiences Only
Something happened this morning that I have never had happen before. My husband texted me and told me that he enjoyed last night so much that he dreamed about it and woke up happy again this morning!
I believe that I always do my best and I hope he thinks so too, but to have him make a comment about it again excited me! That is the first time in a very, very long time that he has acknowledged anything. I won't go too far into details or anything. This was a good self esteem booster.
I apologize for this blog but I had to write it down! This probably is not a big deal really, but I want to be able to look back at it. His text was:
Last night was awesome i dreamed about and woke up **** [09:15:12 AM]
I believe that I always do my best and I hope he thinks so too, but to have him make a comment about it again excited me! That is the first time in a very, very long time that he has acknowledged anything. I won't go too far into details or anything. This was a good self esteem booster.
I apologize for this blog but I had to write it down! This probably is not a big deal really, but I want to be able to look back at it. His text was:
Last night was awesome i dreamed about and woke up **** [09:15:12 AM]
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is right around the corner. My brother-in-law and I got together this past weekend and split the menu up. We are going to try turducken this year. We wanted to last year, but did not order one in time. Just in case the turducken is not up to snuff, we are also having ham. So, if you are keeping score we are having pig, duck, turkey, and chicken all in one meal. I can't wait!! Texas De Brazil has nothing on us.
I am going to get up and run the Turkey Trot 4 miler race this year so I will be up early to run instead of getting up early to cook this year. I am excited! I have a friend who is going to run it with me and there is no pressure, just running. Whenever we cross that finish line is fine with me and there will be a pumpkin pie waiting for us when we get there! Hopefully, we will run off some calories so I can eat MORE!!!
Every Thanksgiving night that we have been married, we go out and get a Christmas tree and get our decorations up. We get a real tree every year and we go and pick out a new ornament every year. That is probably one of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving.
And, oh yeah, I am going shopping the next day. I am not sure if I have to work on black Friday or not, but if i do I will be in the stores before work! A couple of the stores are supposed to have exceptionally good sales this year due to the economy and all the retailers trying to get business however they can.
It sounds like it is going to be busy, but I can't wait for Thanksgiving! I feel like a kid at Christmas!
Friday, November 14, 2008
WARNING: This is a long post
A few weeks ago a friend and I began running together at a huge local park. The park closes when the sun goes down and they actually have gates that go over the road so that cars can't come in or OUT after closing. Since daylight savings time, we don't get off work until after it is already dark, which kind of put a damper on our running together in the park.
Let me just say that we love this park. There is a paved 1.67 mile track that circles a river and there are ducks in the lake and bison across the street (yes, actual bison!) and the sunsets are georgeous. Plus, it is the most convenient place for us to meet because it is close to both of our jobs. We don't live close together so this is kind of in the middle for us.
We really wanted to run so we decided to meet and park a little ways down the street and walk up to the track and run. When we get there the park is so quiet and it is peaceful and all the animals were out because there weren't any people around to disturb them. It was really awesome and motivational.
Kayla was nervous the whole time that someone was going to come and tell us to leave and give us a fine for being there after the park was closed. I was more worried about the skunks that kept chasing us! If I get sprayed by a skunk it would ruin my whole day! They were EVERYWHERE. And, they're hard to see in the dark. In addition to the skunks, there were a couple of deer. They were so pretty! But, we were kind of scaring them from coming to the lake to drink water, I think.
So we went around the track a couple of times and Kayla was hearing things jump in and out of the water and I think she was a little spooked so she said she was going to cut it short and go home after just 2 laps. Well, I may not have been scared but I was not going to stay out there by myself! So, I was fine with leaving. We get towards the end of the track and there are 2 people walking toward us. (DA, DA, DUM!!!)
Kayla has been assaulted before in broad daylight so, needless to say, she is a little jumpy anyway. When these people get within in sight distance she is ready to pounce. She kept saying that she was going to hit them, etc. Just really on edge. As we are getting closer to the people we determine that it is a man and a woman that appear to just be walking, much the same way we are running.
As we pass the woman asks us to stop. We talked to them for a minute and found out that they were in the park when the ranger closed and locked the gates! They were stuck and could not get out!! Of course, both of their cell phones were low on battery when they left the house so they just left them there. Because we depend so much on our cell phones no one knows anybody's phone number anymore so even offering my cell phone did not help because they didn't know anyone's number to call to come pick them up.
So what did I do? I offer to take them home! Complete strangers. Yeah, they seem like a nice couple but ya never know! I was a little nervous, but figured if something went wrong I would crash my car into another car or something! HA HA HA I know that is not really funny, but I didn't end up having to do it so it is a little funny.
But, if your mom & dad or 3rd grade teacher never told you, NEVER GO WITH STRANGERS! If they don't murder you with an axe, you might get stuck in their neighborhood and not be able to get out and have to call someone to help you out!!!
Let me just say that we love this park. There is a paved 1.67 mile track that circles a river and there are ducks in the lake and bison across the street (yes, actual bison!) and the sunsets are georgeous. Plus, it is the most convenient place for us to meet because it is close to both of our jobs. We don't live close together so this is kind of in the middle for us.
We really wanted to run so we decided to meet and park a little ways down the street and walk up to the track and run. When we get there the park is so quiet and it is peaceful and all the animals were out because there weren't any people around to disturb them. It was really awesome and motivational.
Kayla was nervous the whole time that someone was going to come and tell us to leave and give us a fine for being there after the park was closed. I was more worried about the skunks that kept chasing us! If I get sprayed by a skunk it would ruin my whole day! They were EVERYWHERE. And, they're hard to see in the dark. In addition to the skunks, there were a couple of deer. They were so pretty! But, we were kind of scaring them from coming to the lake to drink water, I think.
So we went around the track a couple of times and Kayla was hearing things jump in and out of the water and I think she was a little spooked so she said she was going to cut it short and go home after just 2 laps. Well, I may not have been scared but I was not going to stay out there by myself! So, I was fine with leaving. We get towards the end of the track and there are 2 people walking toward us. (DA, DA, DUM!!!)
Kayla has been assaulted before in broad daylight so, needless to say, she is a little jumpy anyway. When these people get within in sight distance she is ready to pounce. She kept saying that she was going to hit them, etc. Just really on edge. As we are getting closer to the people we determine that it is a man and a woman that appear to just be walking, much the same way we are running.
As we pass the woman asks us to stop. We talked to them for a minute and found out that they were in the park when the ranger closed and locked the gates! They were stuck and could not get out!! Of course, both of their cell phones were low on battery when they left the house so they just left them there. Because we depend so much on our cell phones no one knows anybody's phone number anymore so even offering my cell phone did not help because they didn't know anyone's number to call to come pick them up.
So what did I do? I offer to take them home! Complete strangers. Yeah, they seem like a nice couple but ya never know! I was a little nervous, but figured if something went wrong I would crash my car into another car or something! HA HA HA I know that is not really funny, but I didn't end up having to do it so it is a little funny.
But, if your mom & dad or 3rd grade teacher never told you, NEVER GO WITH STRANGERS! If they don't murder you with an axe, you might get stuck in their neighborhood and not be able to get out and have to call someone to help you out!!!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Biography
I don't have a lot going on in my life. Really, I never have, which is one reason why this blog is kind of stupid. I never have anything to talk about so it gets really boring.
On one hand I am glad that I don't have a lot going on because that means that I probably don't have a lot of drama in my life. On the other hand it makes me wonder if I am leading a good life. A life that I can be proud of and a life that means something.
Am I having fun in my life? Am I doing enough to help other people? Logically, if I am having fun and helping other people then shouldn't I be a busier person? Or have more going on?
Furthermore, does it matter? Sometimes I would say it matters and other times I would say who cares?
The Army used to have a commercial that said, "If you wrote a book about your life would anyone want to read it?" I can honestly answer that with a "NO." But, I think I am OK with that. Not everyone can be influential or have a great storied life, right? It seems like a lot less work.
For right now, I think I will go with it. I can handle not being followed around by a biographer. Ask me again one day though. I might have a diffrent answer.
On one hand I am glad that I don't have a lot going on because that means that I probably don't have a lot of drama in my life. On the other hand it makes me wonder if I am leading a good life. A life that I can be proud of and a life that means something.
Am I having fun in my life? Am I doing enough to help other people? Logically, if I am having fun and helping other people then shouldn't I be a busier person? Or have more going on?
Furthermore, does it matter? Sometimes I would say it matters and other times I would say who cares?
The Army used to have a commercial that said, "If you wrote a book about your life would anyone want to read it?" I can honestly answer that with a "NO." But, I think I am OK with that. Not everyone can be influential or have a great storied life, right? It seems like a lot less work.
For right now, I think I will go with it. I can handle not being followed around by a biographer. Ask me again one day though. I might have a diffrent answer.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Naievty
I read an article that stated that a study was done that says people who are romantically involved with each other are less likely to detect a lie from each other. (Sorry - I clicked off the story and can't find it again in order to insert the link).
A year ago - maybe less than a year ago, I would have told you that I know my husband like no one else and I would have bet you that I could tell when he is/was lying. HOWEVER, in the last few months, I bet I could not tell you if he lying about whether or not he is wearing underwear today.
Reading this article brought some things to the front of my mind. I have questioned some things between me and my husband lately so to read an article that says the closer you are to a person the less you are able to tell if they are lying really makes me question how naive I might be.
How does someone know if they are naive? Obviously, you know after the fact, but you know what they say about hindsight. I mean, by definition, you don't know when you are being naive, right?
It makes me really uneasy to have the thoughts going through my head the last few months. I guess there is no way to soften the blow if something is going on. You just have to keep going until whatever happens, happens.
A year ago - maybe less than a year ago, I would have told you that I know my husband like no one else and I would have bet you that I could tell when he is/was lying. HOWEVER, in the last few months, I bet I could not tell you if he lying about whether or not he is wearing underwear today.
Reading this article brought some things to the front of my mind. I have questioned some things between me and my husband lately so to read an article that says the closer you are to a person the less you are able to tell if they are lying really makes me question how naive I might be.
How does someone know if they are naive? Obviously, you know after the fact, but you know what they say about hindsight. I mean, by definition, you don't know when you are being naive, right?
It makes me really uneasy to have the thoughts going through my head the last few months. I guess there is no way to soften the blow if something is going on. You just have to keep going until whatever happens, happens.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Things I want:
- To have my hair colored or highlighted in a professional salon
- Supplies and knowledge to give myself a pedicure at home
- New work clothes
- New NotPod
- New running shoes
- New shirts and pants to run in
- New kitchen cabinets
- The chairs in the formal dining room to be recovered
- To know that I will not lose my job due to downsizing
- To know that I make my husband happy and that I am enough for him
- To know that my mom and dad are actually OK (physically and mentally)
- A better life for my nieces because they didn't ask for the life they got
- My sister to realize that he is not any better for her than the other guy was
- My dad to know that I love him more than I could ever explain to him and that he did a great job raising us
- My mom to not be so nervous and worry all the time
- To be happy AND healthy
- For Beth to be happy AND healthy
- For Beth and me to quit drinking
- To know who really killed Kennedy
- To know if Aliens are real
- Who killed Jean Benet Ramsey?
- Who is the real father to my cousin's daughter?
These are just a few things that I really want. I am sure I could add to all 3 lists. Of the 3 I would like nothing more than the middle list to come to realization. People have no idea what I would give up for these things. Not just the other material things that I want, but things that I have now. I would give it all up if I could trade it for that middle list. So, if anyone has the magic genie in their pocket, please send him my way when you are done.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day
Today is election day! If you care about any of the issues then I hope you get out and vote today. If you do not care or if you didn't pay attention during the election process then I hope you did not vote. :)
That being said, my mom voted today for the first time in 30 years! She was very nervous about having to stand in a long line because she lives in a state that did not offer early voting. For the past 3 or 4 weeks we have had conversation after conversation about how she would get off work and if they would let her off work and she made sure her registration was up date and everything.
So, this afternoon at about 2:00 no one at her work had mentioned anything about leaving early to vote so she told her boss that she was not feeling well and asked if she could leave early. (I told her she should have just asked to leave early to go vote!) So she went to the local church and they could not find her name. She started panicking thinking she was not going to be able to vote. Did I mention my mom is bipolar and is a very nervous person? She really started getting upset so a very nice lady called the election commission for her and found out that she was just out of her district. The very nice lady directed mom to where she needed to go. Thanks very nice lady!!
Mom finally gets to where she needed to be and walks in and there are 4 people manning the polls. One of the ladies at this polling place greeted her and said that she was their first voter!!! Mom lives in such a small town that they only had one machine! How funny is that? Mom said she laughed to herself because she was worried about standing in line and as it turns out she was the only person in the whole place!!
When she called to tell me this story I googled the town she lives in to find the population and I couldn't find any evidence of census information! Funny how they don't do a census in the area but they felt the need to put a voting place there!
Nevertheless, I am so proud of her for paying attention this year and casting her vote.
That being said, my mom voted today for the first time in 30 years! She was very nervous about having to stand in a long line because she lives in a state that did not offer early voting. For the past 3 or 4 weeks we have had conversation after conversation about how she would get off work and if they would let her off work and she made sure her registration was up date and everything.
So, this afternoon at about 2:00 no one at her work had mentioned anything about leaving early to vote so she told her boss that she was not feeling well and asked if she could leave early. (I told her she should have just asked to leave early to go vote!) So she went to the local church and they could not find her name. She started panicking thinking she was not going to be able to vote. Did I mention my mom is bipolar and is a very nervous person? She really started getting upset so a very nice lady called the election commission for her and found out that she was just out of her district. The very nice lady directed mom to where she needed to go. Thanks very nice lady!!
Mom finally gets to where she needed to be and walks in and there are 4 people manning the polls. One of the ladies at this polling place greeted her and said that she was their first voter!!! Mom lives in such a small town that they only had one machine! How funny is that? Mom said she laughed to herself because she was worried about standing in line and as it turns out she was the only person in the whole place!!
When she called to tell me this story I googled the town she lives in to find the population and I couldn't find any evidence of census information! Funny how they don't do a census in the area but they felt the need to put a voting place there!
Nevertheless, I am so proud of her for paying attention this year and casting her vote.
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