Wow, it has been a long time. I guess spring brought along lots of things to my To-do list and I have been doing all of those things instead of blogging. It has been quite a long month and an even longer couple of weeks. My cousin passed away and because she didn't pass of natural causes that ended up being a very consuming week. That brought along a lot of thoughts, feelings and arguments from all sides of the family. It is hard to deal with the death of someone who should not have died.
I had the flu for only the second time in my life. I don't get sick a lot. In fact, I barely ever get sick besides a migraine headache. This was different. My throat felt like a shower drain stuffed with hairballs and sludge, my ears sore and it sounded like water was slushing around in them. The water noise caused a headache, of course and my body just ached, in general. Between my cousin's funeral and me being sick I ended up taking a few days off work. it makes me feel like crap when I have to miss work.
Because of some of these things going on in my life coupled with some things going on at work (both jobs), I asked to take a leave of absence from my second job. I won't bore you with the details but what actually happened was I put my notice in to quit my second job all together. I didn't want to do that. I mean, I am OK with quitting, but I like that job. That's my job. I rule that job.
I need a break. I need a break bad! I am OK with quitting because I don't really need the job, but the money is nice. More importantly than the money, I like having something to do. On the weekends, because I know I have to be at work the next day, I stay out of trouble. This job has been therapeutic for me. I feel like my husband likes me more because of that job. It is something else that we have in common that draws us together. Also, if I didn't work there and know the ins and outs of it, I never would have made it through this economy with my sanity with my husband selling cars for a living.
But working every day at one job or another gets tiresome and I need a break. I feel like a failure for quitting though. I was using the money to help build a savings account for emergencies and that account is not to the point that I hoped it would be at before I stopped working. I am comfortable with what is there, I just didn't meet the goal I wanted to meet. That bothers me.
What is done is done. Coincidentally, my last day will end up being my 1 year anniversary - to the day. I didn't even plan that.
Now I am going to start going back to yoga and really start running again. I am going to get up on Saturday mornings and clean house. I will play with the dogs more and take them for walks. I will do all the things that housewives do, except I will still have my real job. I just feel like maybe that isn't enough.
I plan to really work hard and make what money I can for the next two weeks. I will also try to get used to the idea of not working after that. Hopefully, I will get rid of this guilt of not working before I actually stop working! My hope is to pick up enough hobbies to feel justified. If this doesn't work then I will explore options to get another second job. Would that be a second, second job? That might not go over well with the husband. Ugghhh, I hate being a grown up!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Put Up Your Dukes
Over the course of my life I have known a few different ladies that feel it is OK for their significant others to throw them around or beat on them (and/or their children).
When I was growing up we lived on the bottom floor of an apartment building with paper thin walls. I was friends with the girl whose family lived in the apartment above us. I could hear the (physical) fights between her mom and step dad when her mom didn't vacuum the floor like he wanted or when the kids didn't act like perfect angels getting up for school in the morning. The mom finally left with the kids in the middle of the day one day while he was at work. About a month later, we learned that he put their three year old daughter in the hospital. We learned this because he was a police officer and when police officers put their babies in the hospital by beating on them, they put it in the newspaper. I always felt bad, but never thought it was really my business to say something.
I bring this up because there is a girl at work that is being abused by her boyfriend. Just as if she were on a Lifetime Movie of the Week, she tells us about all the things he does to her so that we all hate him, they break up and she says it is over for good and then they get back together again. Surprise! This guy has left her in the middle of nowhere to walk for six hours to make it back home. He has hit her son, and now she is in the hospital.
I have listened to these stories for over a year. Everyone has told her what she already knows and she still insists on being with this guy. Because I know that people have offered for her and her children to stay with them and offered to help her in so many ways, I can not bring myself to feel bad for this girl.
I feel bad that she is so stupid and that she is putting her kids in the line of fire with this guy. They don't have a choice. She is very open about telling everybody at work every time he lays a hand on her or verbally abuses her so I have to believe that she is either asking for attention or asking for help. Since there have been several avenues of help offered to her, I can't help but thinking she needs the attention. I guess after getting beat up, it makes you feel better for someone to dote on you. I can understand that you would feel loved like that. But there has to be an end to this. Does she not understand that if she leaves this guy then someone will love her and dote on her without having to beat her up first?
I can't understand this mentality. I know some people are scared, but of what? If he beats her up how is that different than any regular Tuesday afternoon? Some say they fear that he will kill her. It seems as though a high percentage of these guys escalate to murder or they accidentally hit too hard one day and she never gets back up. Don't you at least have to try? If the outcome is the same at least you did what you could for you and your kids. Isn't there a point when you have to get fed up and just try something different?
Obviously, I have never been in this situation so it is easy for me to write these things. I get that. But, I don't get not doing whatever you can, if not for yourself then for your kids. It makes my skin crawl and my heart cry. God be with her and those kids. I hope one day, when she gets out of the hospital, the lights will come on for her.
When I was growing up we lived on the bottom floor of an apartment building with paper thin walls. I was friends with the girl whose family lived in the apartment above us. I could hear the (physical) fights between her mom and step dad when her mom didn't vacuum the floor like he wanted or when the kids didn't act like perfect angels getting up for school in the morning. The mom finally left with the kids in the middle of the day one day while he was at work. About a month later, we learned that he put their three year old daughter in the hospital. We learned this because he was a police officer and when police officers put their babies in the hospital by beating on them, they put it in the newspaper. I always felt bad, but never thought it was really my business to say something.
I bring this up because there is a girl at work that is being abused by her boyfriend. Just as if she were on a Lifetime Movie of the Week, she tells us about all the things he does to her so that we all hate him, they break up and she says it is over for good and then they get back together again. Surprise! This guy has left her in the middle of nowhere to walk for six hours to make it back home. He has hit her son, and now she is in the hospital.
I have listened to these stories for over a year. Everyone has told her what she already knows and she still insists on being with this guy. Because I know that people have offered for her and her children to stay with them and offered to help her in so many ways, I can not bring myself to feel bad for this girl.
I feel bad that she is so stupid and that she is putting her kids in the line of fire with this guy. They don't have a choice. She is very open about telling everybody at work every time he lays a hand on her or verbally abuses her so I have to believe that she is either asking for attention or asking for help. Since there have been several avenues of help offered to her, I can't help but thinking she needs the attention. I guess after getting beat up, it makes you feel better for someone to dote on you. I can understand that you would feel loved like that. But there has to be an end to this. Does she not understand that if she leaves this guy then someone will love her and dote on her without having to beat her up first?
I can't understand this mentality. I know some people are scared, but of what? If he beats her up how is that different than any regular Tuesday afternoon? Some say they fear that he will kill her. It seems as though a high percentage of these guys escalate to murder or they accidentally hit too hard one day and she never gets back up. Don't you at least have to try? If the outcome is the same at least you did what you could for you and your kids. Isn't there a point when you have to get fed up and just try something different?
Obviously, I have never been in this situation so it is easy for me to write these things. I get that. But, I don't get not doing whatever you can, if not for yourself then for your kids. It makes my skin crawl and my heart cry. God be with her and those kids. I hope one day, when she gets out of the hospital, the lights will come on for her.
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