Work...Or Not

Wow, it has been a long time. I guess spring brought along lots of things to my To-do list and I have been doing all of those things instead of blogging. It has been quite a long month and an even longer couple of weeks. My cousin passed away and because she didn't pass of natural causes that ended up being a very consuming week. That brought along a lot of thoughts, feelings and arguments from all sides of the family. It is hard to deal with the death of someone who should not have died.

I had the flu for only the second time in my life. I don't get sick a lot. In fact, I barely ever get sick besides a migraine headache. This was different. My throat felt like a shower drain stuffed with hairballs and sludge, my ears sore and it sounded like water was slushing around in them. The water noise caused a headache, of course and my body just ached, in general. Between my cousin's funeral and me being sick I ended up taking a few days off work. it makes me feel like crap when I have to miss work.

Because of some of these things going on in my life coupled with some things going on at work (both jobs), I asked to take a leave of absence from my second job. I won't bore you with the details but what actually happened was I put my notice in to quit my second job all together. I didn't want to do that. I mean, I am OK with quitting, but I like that job. That's my job. I rule that job.

I need a break. I need a break bad! I am OK with quitting because I don't really need the job, but the money is nice. More importantly than the money, I like having something to do. On the weekends, because I know I have to be at work the next day, I stay out of trouble. This job has been therapeutic for me. I feel like my husband likes me more because of that job. It is something else that we have in common that draws us together. Also, if I didn't work there and know the ins and outs of it, I never would have made it through this economy with my sanity with my husband selling cars for a living.

But working every day at one job or another gets tiresome and I need a break. I feel like a failure for quitting though. I was using the money to help build a savings account for emergencies and that account is not to the point that I hoped it would be at before I stopped working. I am comfortable with what is there, I just didn't meet the goal I wanted to meet. That bothers me.

What is done is done. Coincidentally, my last day will end up being my 1 year anniversary - to the day. I didn't even plan that.

Now I am going to start going back to yoga and really start running again. I am going to get up on Saturday mornings and clean house. I will play with the dogs more and take them for walks. I will do all the things that housewives do, except I will still have my real job. I just feel like maybe that isn't enough.

I plan to really work hard and make what money I can for the next two weeks. I will also try to get used to the idea of not working after that. Hopefully, I will get rid of this guilt of not working before I actually stop working! My hope is to pick up enough hobbies to feel justified. If this doesn't work then I will explore options to get another second job. Would that be a second, second job? That might not go over well with the husband. Ugghhh, I hate being a grown up!