Running, Eating, Saving and Smoking

Running is not going well. Neither is not eating chocolate. The weather is perfect most days, but I have not been able to get into gear. I have run a few times, but it is not spectacular. I have my eating in check again, except for the chocolate, which I am just going to have to deal with. (Really -I am not upset about that!) I am sleeping all the time again and it is causing me to drag during the day. When I get off of work I just want to go back to sleep and the cycle continues.

I have fallen into the habit of going out to eat for lunch and dinner on the weekends at work. And, my husband is a great cook. He makes all the fatty, fried, stuff with creamy dipping sauces. Yumm! I am getting back to resisting the temptations though. I am not horrible on the food. I am going over on my calories, but the quality of food has progressively gotten better. One step at a time, right?

On another note, my debt relief program is going well (despite the gobs of money spent on fast food.). I have one account paid off and next month will start on one of the cars. With the majority of this debt being car debt, I think I will be able to really feel the progress once one of the cars is paid off. I am trying to put a certain number of dollars in the savings account each month and right now it looks like that amount might be short for April. My first pay period for March at my 2nd job was not what I have budgeted for savings. In January & February I was a little over my monthly goal so hopefully it all evens out. Yes, I realize that it does not make sense for me to have money in the bank while I have balances, but this is what works for us. We like the cushion for peace of mind because my husband's income is 100% commission based on car sales. I don't think I have to explain our anxiety!

I don't know about you guys, but I am sick of all the financial talk and the recession and things going bad. It feels as though I have cabin fever, but there is no way to get out of the house. I can't wait until all this starts straightening out. I am praying for all those who are dealing with loss of income of loss of a house, etc. Everyday I am on the verge too, which is why I am scrambling now.

Maybe we should all smoke a *j* and eat brownies for a while. Nah, that won't work. We will just wake up sober and fat. I can handle sober but I can't handle starting over!

Oh yea, speaking of smoking, my husband is trying to quit smoking (again). I think he has a good start this time and it seems he really wants it. I will be so proud of him when he kicks this habit. Not because of all of society's views (I can't be hypocritical. I am a recovered smoker.) but because I know it bothers him that he has not been able to quit. So, along with all the people dealing with life right now, my heart goes out to him as well.

Good luck to everybody.

Motivation and Money

I am at a motivational crossroads. With work, with running and exercise, with cleaning the house, with taking my weekly pictures, with my blogs, with everything. Some days I am fully loaded and ready to go and others I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head. (I have taken to getting a nap in on my lunch breaks!! What the hell is wrong with me?!). I have a friend who berates himself all the time and it is awkward and gets old quickly so I don't want to go on and on. In my experience if I put it here, I am usually able to do something about it and move on. Speaking of moving on...

My Dad is my biggest hero of all time. A couple of years ago he was diagnosed with hepatitis and had to take six months worth of weekly shots that could have led him to remission. Millions of people find themselves in this situation; the shots work for some and for some they don't. For my Dad, the shots did not work. He had the option to go through another round of shot treatment, but because of how ill the shots made him, he opted to live as long as his liver will allow without the shots.

Let me back up a little. Daddy drove a truck for years and years until my sister and I came along and then he went into construction so that he could be home with my mom and us. Construction is the only thing I have really known him to do, although I grew up with stories of his truck driving days. When Daddy was taking the shots, construction was too physical to keep up with (I bet age had a part in it too. He is getting old!). Really, it made him so ill that any type of job was too much. He struggled through and worked most of the time even though he was dragging and in pain.

Anyhoo - I am telling this story for a reason... When he got over the shots, he decided to go back to driving a truck because it is not as physically demanding. I thought it was a great idea and he was excited. I co-signed for a loan for him to go back through the school and get his commercial license. He graduated and got a job right out of school with a company and went to driving. A few months later, we all find ourselves in the mess we are in now and he is laid off. There is still a few payments left on the loan so I picked up the payments. I did it for two reasons. One, to protect my credit rating and two, so that he did not have to worry about the expense until he found another job.

Fast forward a couple of months to the present. Daddy finds out that I have been paying the loan and we get into a 'discussion' about him paying me back. I explain that I don't need him to pay me back, but if he wants to then he can when he gets another job. Until that happens I am in no hurry to get the money back. The way I see it, if we are both making payments then the loan will be paid off early and we will save that much more on interest. Truth be told, I would like to pay off the loan entirely, as I see this as the same as making payments on a car we have already sold. I would never bring up paying the loan off though.

My Mom and Dad have always been the best parents that I know. Of course, I am biased! But, they always put me and my sister first and have done everything they could for us. I realize that that is part of the job description as a parent, but they did a hell of a job. I know a lot of parents who may say they agree, but their actions don't really support the theory of living for their kids like Mom and Dad do. I admit that on my list of reasons to not have kids, one of those reasons is because I don't feel that I can live up to the excellent job my parents did. I saw this loan as a way I could be there for him (and Mom) the way they have always done for me. Of course, this is only a fraction of what I owe them.

Was this an insult? Was it demeaning? My intent was not to make anyone feel bad or embarrassed, I was just trying to help. My parents are the type that won't even let us pay for dinner if we all go out. Or if I drive the 200 miles to see them, they want to give me gas money. I dropped the discussion and Dad will continue to pay the loan and if a month comes by when he needs me to pay it, then he will let me know. I am fine with that. Like I said, I wanted to help, not make them unhappy, therefore, however he wants to do it is fine with me. As long as he is content.

What is the best way to handle truly humble people? I want to show gratitude and they want to argue back and forth about them being my parents no matter how old I get (Don't get me wrong, I fully know that they will be my parents, even if I live to be 245!) My actions are a product of how they raised me - to put others first!!! For now, I will lay off of this.

My New Stimulus Plan

I finally got my husband to agree to let me start paying off all of our bills early! I spent most of my day yesterday planning a budget and actually writing down 3 scenarios of how we can pay off our debts early.

We have 5 financed accounts (Mortgage, signature loan, 2 cars, and a student loan that I co-signed for someone on) that we pay on in addition to regular household bills (utilities, insurance, phone, etc). Thankfully, none of this is credit card debt! But, that's a ton to be paying on! Don't get me wrong, we don't have a problem paying our bills and we most certainly have not taken on more than we can handle (even if I were to quit my 2nd job) but we both have jobs that are not so much, economy proof. So I feel that the less we are actually obligated to the better off we would be if, God forbid, something should ever happen.

The first option I came up with is to pay a couple hundred dollars in addition to the obligated amount for each account. That would permit us to pay off everything slowly at one time, with the last payment being made in June of 2011.

The second option is to pay at least $1,000 in addition to the obligated payment on 1 account until it is paid off while maintaining the regular payments on the other 4 accounts. In this scenario, 4 out of the 5 accounts would be paid by November 2010 and the 5th account paid off in 2011.

The third option is to keep putting money in a savings account until the balance in the account is high enough to pay off one of the accounts. Then, build it back up again and start over. The appeal to this is that if one of us does loose a job during the course of this, then we would have the money to live on.

We ultimately opted for option #2, as option #1 is too hard to keep up with and option #3 is not far off from what we are doing now and we have not been successful. It is too easy to build that savings account up and use the money for a new TV or a new deck, etc. I plan to continue to save 100% of my income from my second job. Being that my husband is on commission, I based his income on the smallest check I have ever seen him bring home. Anything he brings home over that amount we can either save or use as 'fun money.'

Things are going to be tight until about November of this year which is when our first bill will be paid. When that particular bill is paid off we will have an additional $250 to toward our everyday living. A lot of people would say that I should take the $250 and put it towards one of the other accounts, but I am being realistic here. We spend a lot of money! And, while I am trying to do better, I know that if we don't give ourselves some leeway this will never work. We are in this for the long haul!

Wish us luck on our little journey! If we don't make it in the exact time frame I will be okay with that. Just making headway will be good for me!

By the way, for my research I used Bankrate.com and mint.com (although mint.com required too much information and work on my part so I quickly abandoned it!). Both are great sights.

If anyone has ever done this or has used any of these methods, please let me know how it was. Or, if you have any suggestions or advice I am all ears!

Ambition or Greed?

I want to talk about aspirations and ambition. All my life I have had this need to make a lot of money and/or to be successful. If you just look at that statement it looks like I am a shallow person. If I were to have said, I am an ambitious person with aspirations to become the top producer in my field, that has a positive connotation that most people would not think twice about.

I have two jobs, not because I need money to pay my bills but because I want more money to do what I want to do. More than money, I want to be successful at anything I do. I want to be the best and I want the recognition for being the best. Furthermore, I admit that I have less respect for people that don't have dreams of being something more. I

When I read this back it sounds so snobby and condescending. I don't intend to come off that way, but I can't think of a better way to say it. This is not an issue of me not liking people who make less money. I like or dislike people based on their personality and how they treat people and things like that. I don't think I am better than someone who makes less money. I just think that people should always be trying to do a little better.

I am not only talking about finances or position, although it is hard to not acknowledge that finances and position get you a little more in our society than most other things. But, maybe it is being a better cook or having the best hair style. Doesn't it say something about a person if they have the gumption to try to be the best at something? That being said, if you want the best hairstyle you might have to put more money into it, therefore, you have to work harder or budget more to reach that goal. I do not condone taking the money that was supposed to be used for the baby's formula either. The goal is to work toward having enough money to pay for both. Or, to be creative and find another way to have your hair done. I am getting off track here talking about hair!

I know someone who says she wants a bigger house or a better car. But, when it comes time to work she is the first person to take a day off or to leave early. She doesn't want to do anything more than what she has been doing for the past few years. It is an inconvenience to work late and she won't take on any extracurricular activities - probably because it would require too much effort on her part. In addition to not really being productive herself, she has a boyfriend who does not work. For years he has not worked and she puts up with it and supports him. So, not only is she not productive, but one could argue that she is counter-productive by supporting another able-bodied person.

I guess this rant is mostly an eye opener for me because I have been slacking. I need to realize that I want more, therefore I have to work to get more. Some people do not have to work as hard because life has dealt them a different hand. But with the path I have chosen I have to work hard to get what I want. I can't change anything or anybody but me. In my mind, I think the world would be a different place if everybody had some severe ambition, which I suppose is why I hold people to higher standards. I know people whose ambition has diminished since I have known them. I do not deny that I have less respect and generally want less to do with those few people as a result. I don't like people to be content with barely getting by.

I would like to reiterate the fact that I don't like people less or think I am better than anybody who has less or is going through a rough time. I have a problem with people who lay down and take what they were handed as if it is their only option. As long as you are scratching and clawing to get better, you and I are just fine.

This is probably the worst thing I have ever written. Not only the subject matter, but the scatter brained thoughts that don't necessarily go together. Let me know if your opinion of me changes after reading this.

What am I Getting Myself Into?

I have a friend who is having a hard time. The guy she was dating did not turn out to be "The One." In my opinion (and hers too, I think), it is for the best that this one didn't work out. When he showed his true colors they were not pretty like rainbows.

I think it is wearing on her that she is getting to closer to 30 and she is not in a long term relationship. Even though I have not been in that situation, I can understand her frustration. This is honestly a great girl; she is one of the hottest people I know, and she is pretty self-sufficient. She doesn't need someone to take care of her or anything. I don't have a male perspective on it but I can't pinpoint anything about her that might not be desirable in a relationship. It seems to be playing on her self esteem that she has dated a handful of guys that turn out to be real jerks.

On top of the relationship stuff she texted me and said she is having trouble keeping track of her money. She makes good money, no doubt, but some people are better at budgeting than others.

I am telling this story, not to put my friend on front street, but because I can hear her desperation and I know that she is really down. She told me that she has never felt this way before.

This sounds all too familiar to me. Not too long ago I felt that everything was going wrong and that I could not do anything about it. More so than that, I felt like nobody cared. I felt abandoned by my friends and even my husband and family. I do not want her to feel that way. Everyone is entitled to have times where they feel down in the dumps, but the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you feel like you are all alone is horrible.

I can remember on several days thinking that if someone would have just called to say hi or sent me a text then maybe I could get out of the mindset I was in at the time. I wanted someone to pity me, I guess is what you might call it. Just for 5 minutes. I wanted someone to acknowledge that I was going through a bad time and tell me that it was OK.

I had people try to cheer me up, but they never asked why I was sad in the first place. I think I fell so hard because I didn't think anyone cared. I also think that's why my drinking got so bad.

I want her to know that I am there for her. I know from experience from trying to help a different friend through a divorce that I, evidently, don't give good advice so I want to be there just to listen when she needs it. I want her to know that I can empathize with her for feeling this way but I also acknowledge that it is not easy to go through the things she is going through. That there are no small problems. I think it would also be good for me to encourage her and point out that I know she is stronger than she thinks and this is going to be no big deal for her to get over.

Hopefully, I can help her through her bad time without loosing her as a friend like I did the last time. I hope that I have learned my lesson. I don't know if it is a good idea to go down this road again, but I am going to talk to her and let her know I am here if she needs me.

Ready to Shred

Throughout my weight loss/fitness journey I have tried not to put a lot of money into the process because I didn't know how long I would stick with it. Besides that, there is not too awful much expense in running, which is what I seem to see the most progress with. I do not have a gym membership. Instead I have 2 sets of hand weights, a jump rope, a stability ball, and my trusty running shoes.

I do watch a couple of different shows on FitTV and I really like doing that, but the downfall is that at the end of the 30 minute or 1 hour show I am just getting started rather than ready to cool down like they are. I have a hard time following along with these shows on a regular basis because of my schedule and because I don't want C to be watching me while I sweat it out. This is not a bad way to get going though since it always changes and a lot of the shows work out a different body area everyday. It keeps your body guessing from day to day to do belly dancing one day and then circuit training the next day.

I have always liked the show The Biggest Loser, but I am not a fanatic and, truth be told, I used to watch it snacking on a bag of chips or a piece of chocolate cake. Jillian Michaels is my least favorite trainer on the show, however, I have heard that her Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD is the most awesome thing in the history of workout DVDs. So, I asked for it for Christmas and one of my co-workers got it for me. I must say that even though I am not a Jillian fan, this was what I wanted most for Christmas.

Through the Christmas & New Year's season I did not have time to try it. take the time. Besides, C was home with me a lot through the holiday and the timing just was not right.>

Tonight, I had intended to go to work, but it would be useless with the weather being wet and cold like it is so, instead, I am going to get off my butt and take on this DVD. I look forward to giving you a review of it tomorrow. I am really curious as to how this will go since I have not done a lick of work in this wonderful new year. What better way to start than a brand new DVD?

Another New Year's Blog

OK - How many blogs have you/will you read about the end of the year and the beginning of the next year? Tons! I am sure. Well, the same as some of my past entries, this was is mostly just for me. Here goes -

This year was better than 2007, which was my worst year on record so I should be thankful for that. However, I don't know that it was good.

My Dad's round of shots for his hepatitis did not work, but he is able to function now so that's good. He went back to driving trucks so that he didn't have to do as much manual labor. (He is getting pretty old!) On the other hand, he was laid off from that job this week. Ummfff!

Emotionally, this was the worst year for me. Physically, this was the best year. Although, both are slowly changing. I have not been keeping up with my running and/or exercising through the holidays. No excuses, I am just a slacker. Some days are good and some are horrible emotionally, so maybe I have not made as many changes as I thought or as I needed to.

Financially, this was one of the worst years for national economics. For our family, it has been good though. Not the best, by far, but good.

So after reading this back to myself, I have come to the conclusion that really, nothing is any different than any other year. Yesterday was the same, and even though tomorrow is a new year, it too, will be the same.

Too bad we can't really wipe the slate clean and start over at the beginning of the year! No, we really can't. We just change how we handle things and change the things we think need changing. For now, that will have to do.

Here's to 09!

Update

Wow, it feels like it has been a long time since I wrote - or did anything productive, for that matter!

I only ran twice since we spoke last. This winter running is not working out the way I planned! I am back up to 120 +lbs. I literally ate so much on Christmas day that I made myself sick.

Seriously. We got up and made breakfast, then, started cooking the dishes we were going to take to the in-law's house for lunch. Of course, I had to snack while we were cooking! I can't take a chance on the food not being good! Once we got over there, I snacked on some of the things other people brought until it was time to actually eat. I think I ate 2 plates of food and then sat there for about 3 hours still picking at stuff.

When we got home I felt so nasty and nauseous. I think I was running a fever, my skin was so hot to the touch! I really over did it and I could feel every pig-in-a-blanket that night.

On another note, everything else went really well. (see? This pattern of being happy and having a good time and being unproductive and fat??? Not just my imagination...) My Mom and Dad brought my nieces over to open everything on Christmas Eve. They got everything they ever dreamed of, I am sure because my living room floor was covered from one end to the other.

I will wrap this up with an update on selling cars. From the day after Christmas until New Year's, dealerships have the '13th month.' We call it this because in those few days we sell as many cars as we do in a normal month. Let me tell ya, I think we are more at 12 1/2 months! Business has picked up some but I don't see that we are quite on our way to selling that many cars. I guess I will keep crossing my fingers for now!

Hope everyone had a nice holiday. Here's to New Year's! I guess I will be one of the millions of people with the resolution to exercise more and get into shape. I was hoping to stay in shape and not have to be like everyone else! Oh well, just have to keep going.

Prosperity

In these times, I think everyone is nervous about one aspect or another of their financial stability. Or, maybe not. I have to admit that I have always been supremely confident in my career and my job - almost to the point where I am foolishly confident. But, I won't lie. I am rattled.

Exactly a year ago in December I changed jobs, doing the same thing just for a different company and a little more specialized. So specialized that I have been working in my field of insurance for almost 10 years and I started something I was not familiar with. I have gotten more acclimated over this past year and I am better with what I am doing.

However, I do not really have a close relationship with anyone I work with, which is not a big deal. I don't get jobs for social status, but it helps to be in close enough with someone that you can get their perspective on things that happen. I was also the last person to be hired, so I will definitely be the first person to go if it gets to that point. As far as I can see in the year I have been here, my position is not really necessary, which is scary in itself.

On the other hand, I do work for a great guy. It seems like it would be a last resort, but I could be looking through frosted glasses and not see the whole picture. Just in case I am going to do everything I can to make myself lucrative in every aspect of my life. I will be the cream that rises to the top, not the grit that falls to the bottom.

Granted, I do have a second job - but it is selling cars, which as we know is not doing extremely well right now. I do work for a dealership that is not hurting as much as others. but, my husband's income is derived solely from this dealership, so we might both be in trouble soon.

So, the worst scenario for me is to lose my day gig and be holding on with 1 1/2 half assed incomes. I guess that's better than some I know at this point though.

What irritates me is that the media is perpetuating the majority of this crises and what is not true today might be true tomorrow because the media pushed the rumor. When Obama takes office in January I believe the media will push for the sunny outlook and things will appear to be getting better, when in reality, it isn't as bad as they are making it out to be right now and it won't be as good as it looks then, but that's the media for ya. Hopefully, more people will be able to adjust to these hardships and we can even out and go back to middle ground and rebuild.

In any case, I wish everyone luck and prosperity in the days/months/years to come.

Ridin' Along in My Automobile

Don't you hate it when you are going down the road and smoke starts pouring from the hood of your car? Well, I do. It sucks more than most other things.

I was surprisingly calm though. I pulled over and turned the car off really fast. Then, I called my husband and asked him to call a tow truck for me. We had it towed to the car dealership that we work at so they can look at it today. I picked up my husband's car so I could go home and change and go back up there and work. The minute I stepped in the door for some reason I just started crying my eyes out.

I have been doing so good emotionally lately that it kind of caught me off guard to cry like that. I don't think it was totally because of the car. I think the car just gave me an excuse to do it. I was by myself and it just happened. Afterward, I let the dogs outside, fed the fish, got dressed and went to work and everything was fine. When I came home from work I ran faster than I ever have. I was not able to run an entire 2 miles but it felt like I was flying when I ran. It felt good.

Today, I am waiting to hear the good (or bad) news as to whether or not I have to replace the motor in my car. Keep your fingers crossed for me! When the rest of the world are breaking their necks to get out of credit card debt, I am probably going to use a credit card for the first time in I don't know how long. And this after paying for 2 strippers for the party this weekend! Great timing. People always say I do the opposite of whatever is 'hot' at the moment!