Something to look forward to

I never thought I would be this person - but I guess over the past year I realized that I am a long way from the person I used to be. Therefore, I guess I am not surprised. I have become someone who almost always obsesses over weight. I really look at my body and definition a lot more than I look at the scale so maybe I don't obsess over weight, but over looks (which is worse, really). Nonetheless, I am still one of those annoying people who is always counting calories and whining about how I didn't workout or how I didn't have the willpower not to eat this or that.

I hate that I am that person. The funny thing is that the success and results that I had is what drives me to be the annoying person! Now I know that if I work at it I can have the body I want. (I had a very nice body for a couple of weeks. Yea, short lived.) Therefore, I am on a never ending cycle to get it back. I know I can do it, but I have no willpower therefore I am defeated. I think about it all the time. Everyday. Every hour. When is my next meal? Why did I eat what I ate last? Did I run? Am I going to run? Why didn't run longer? Question after question! Aye!

Over the summer it was easy to work out and run because I like the warm weather, the days are longer and there were races to sign up for about every month. I had something to look forward to. Well, now I have something else to look forward to so maybe I can get back on track.

C wants to either go to Las Vegas or Mardi Gras in February. There are 2 weeks left in January so I am going to go full steam ahead. He gets in the way of me eating but he does not get in the way of me working out. That's all me. I use him as an excuse sometimes, but I know better.

It never fails. When a holiday or party or vacation comes up I always come up short with my looks. Not this time. I will have my (almost) ripped ab(s) and toned arms back. This is especially important if we go to Vegas. It is warm out there and I might end up in a bathing suit. I am not self conscious because I will never see any of those people again, but it makes me feel good to look good so I want to try really hard!

I know you will be glad when I do find something to motivate me! I will not whine near as much then!