I had a conversation yesterday with a close male friend about my worries with my husband. It made me realize that even though I have caught my husband lying on a couple of occasions about things that I don't really think he has cheated on me or anything. I don't feel any better about him lying and I still wonder why he would lie, but I think now is the time to let it go. I realize that this has been an issue of my feelings being hurt because I thought he would never lie to me, not an issue of mistrust.
I realized the my husband is human just like anybody else and he probably never meant to hurt my feelings. I don't think he was trying to hide anything in either instance. Really, I never did think he was trying to hide anything. It was odd to hear my friend say these things out loud. That's when I realized that these things were never real; they were only in my head and I was looking at them from some foreign point of view.
If someone were to ask me if I thought he was cheating on me I would definitely say No, but in my head I would keep thinking 'something is going on.' When my friend put a label on it and actually said the word 'cheating', for some reason, I knew the difference.
I know this sounds so psycho! Maybe my mental stability really is getting better and I am able to see situations a little more clearly now or maybe talking out loud really helped. In either case, I think I am ready to move on. Maybe I can get back to being a little more confident again too and back off on the anger some. I don't know if that is what has me down or what, but I am willing to go with it and see what happens.
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