What am I Getting Myself Into?

I have a friend who is having a hard time. The guy she was dating did not turn out to be "The One." In my opinion (and hers too, I think), it is for the best that this one didn't work out. When he showed his true colors they were not pretty like rainbows.

I think it is wearing on her that she is getting to closer to 30 and she is not in a long term relationship. Even though I have not been in that situation, I can understand her frustration. This is honestly a great girl; she is one of the hottest people I know, and she is pretty self-sufficient. She doesn't need someone to take care of her or anything. I don't have a male perspective on it but I can't pinpoint anything about her that might not be desirable in a relationship. It seems to be playing on her self esteem that she has dated a handful of guys that turn out to be real jerks.

On top of the relationship stuff she texted me and said she is having trouble keeping track of her money. She makes good money, no doubt, but some people are better at budgeting than others.

I am telling this story, not to put my friend on front street, but because I can hear her desperation and I know that she is really down. She told me that she has never felt this way before.

This sounds all too familiar to me. Not too long ago I felt that everything was going wrong and that I could not do anything about it. More so than that, I felt like nobody cared. I felt abandoned by my friends and even my husband and family. I do not want her to feel that way. Everyone is entitled to have times where they feel down in the dumps, but the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you feel like you are all alone is horrible.

I can remember on several days thinking that if someone would have just called to say hi or sent me a text then maybe I could get out of the mindset I was in at the time. I wanted someone to pity me, I guess is what you might call it. Just for 5 minutes. I wanted someone to acknowledge that I was going through a bad time and tell me that it was OK.

I had people try to cheer me up, but they never asked why I was sad in the first place. I think I fell so hard because I didn't think anyone cared. I also think that's why my drinking got so bad.

I want her to know that I am there for her. I know from experience from trying to help a different friend through a divorce that I, evidently, don't give good advice so I want to be there just to listen when she needs it. I want her to know that I can empathize with her for feeling this way but I also acknowledge that it is not easy to go through the things she is going through. That there are no small problems. I think it would also be good for me to encourage her and point out that I know she is stronger than she thinks and this is going to be no big deal for her to get over.

Hopefully, I can help her through her bad time without loosing her as a friend like I did the last time. I hope that I have learned my lesson. I don't know if it is a good idea to go down this road again, but I am going to talk to her and let her know I am here if she needs me.

KEEP/TOSS/DONATE

Something that I have been working on for a while is getting organized. The problem with an unorganized person trying to get organized is that I don't know where to start. I have watched this show called neat on FitTv before and there are always great tips on there, but it is more of a show for people who keep too much junk and basically need to clean up.

On this show there is a lady that goes to people's houses with 3 big bins labeled KEEP/TOSS/DONATE. You can figure out the next part, right? After that, the homeowner gladly hands over the keys to their cleaned out junk rooms and she goes and buys the most awesome storage cabinets and desks and other really cool organizational tools and furniture. She finds things that seem to perfectly match whatever pile of junk the homeowner needs to keep. Lastly, she arranges everything to where each space is used to its full potential and everything looks so good.

A lot of the people on the show have problems throwing things away, which is what usually leads to the clutter. I don't really have that problem. I will throw away or donate almost anything! Clear it out! But I don't know what to do with what is left over. I have massive closets that are piled with junk from the floors through all the shelves to the ceilings. Drawers that are overflowing. Don't even get me started about all the pens, pencils, markers and paper laying around.

Besides the closets and drawers, which I think most people probably have problems with, there is my kitchen. We used to have a big island with cabinet space beneath that I kept all those small kitchen appliances in. We took the island bar out and now all the handy dandy appliances are sitting in my formal dining room - which is a waste of space. If the fish were not in the dining room, I would never walk in there!

Anyway. With all this being explained as if you care, I am on a kick to try to get organized. I don't think this is really a new year's resolution because I am not on a balls out mission for this. I have plenty of other balls out missions that I have. I can't chase this one too! But, when I am out at the store and see something that might work I will try it and see. On my next weekend off I will try to clean out one of those closets or something.

Maybe getting organized is one more step toward clearing more junk from in my head!

I can see Clearly Now...

I had a conversation yesterday with a close male friend about my worries with my husband. It made me realize that even though I have caught my husband lying on a couple of occasions about things that I don't really think he has cheated on me or anything. I don't feel any better about him lying and I still wonder why he would lie, but I think now is the time to let it go. I realize that this has been an issue of my feelings being hurt because I thought he would never lie to me, not an issue of mistrust.

I realized the my husband is human just like anybody else and he probably never meant to hurt my feelings. I don't think he was trying to hide anything in either instance. Really, I never did think he was trying to hide anything. It was odd to hear my friend say these things out loud. That's when I realized that these things were never real; they were only in my head and I was looking at them from some foreign point of view.

If someone were to ask me if I thought he was cheating on me I would definitely say No, but in my head I would keep thinking 'something is going on.' When my friend put a label on it and actually said the word 'cheating', for some reason, I knew the difference.

I know this sounds so psycho! Maybe my mental stability really is getting better and I am able to see situations a little more clearly now or maybe talking out loud really helped. In either case, I think I am ready to move on. Maybe I can get back to being a little more confident again too and back off on the anger some. I don't know if that is what has me down or what, but I am willing to go with it and see what happens.

Review of the Shred

After the porn store episode, I went home and actually wheezed along to my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. Really, there was not really wheezing. I started the Level 1 section.

She goes through a warm up which is funny to me because it is arm circles, which she calls windmills. Basically, you stand there and flail your arms back and forth and then front to back as if you are a plane. It looks really stupid and it doesn't really stretch you out of open you up. I think it was her attempt to have a different approach to a warm up or stretch. To be honest, I felt like I was in 6th grade gym class.

After the warm up, the video is set up in a circuit training type format. She alternates cardio with strength training, starting with, I think it was, 2 minutes of cardio. The first cardio interval was jumping jacks. Throughout Level 1 we also did butt kicks (running in place, kicking your heels up so far you kick yourself in the butt), boxing, and some other things. It did get my heart rate up. I felt like it was my real warm up. It was not too taxing though. It was not supposed to be though. This is Level 1!

After that, we went down to the floor for some push ups. I have always had trouble with push ups (big surprise! I am a girl). In the height of my working out a couple of months ago I was able to do 8, but that fades quickly.... so I did the sissy push ups so that I could keep up with the pace they were going at. Next, we did some lunges with hand weights and some rows and a lot of different types of lunges. A lot of work with hand weights and some work with both. One move kind of got to me. You hold the hand weights at a 90 degree angle and squat down. Then push up out of the squat as you push your arms with the weights up toward the sky. So many reps did get me.

Anyway, we did 3 or 4 intervals of cardio and strength. It was pretty good. Especially since I have not done any work outs for a couple of weeks. I did go on the Level 2 but I only got through the first cardio/strength interval before my phone started ringing off the hook and interrupting me.

Level 1 was pretty good, but could have been a little better. In some places I wanted to go faster than them and others I was a little slower. Level 2 looked very promising. After her fake warm up it looks like she works you a little more. I can't wait until I can go all the way through. I think doing Level 1 and Level 2 together will be good for me.

She did a lot of hamstring work and upper arm work, which I have been slacking on. If I would have gotten this DVD a couple of months ago this would not have been anything. However, I did enjoy it and my body really needed it. My upper arms are a little sore today.

All in all, it seems to be a good DVD. Maybe not worth all the hype, but good.

To the Porn Store

Yesterday afternoon it was pouring down rain and it was a little colder than it has been lately. I left work and sped home to, basically, do nothing. There is no need to go to work when you are not scheduled and it is raining so hard you can't see the cars 12ft in front of you.

I finished the laundry and cleaned up the kitchen some. I could not think of anything else to do so I decided that I wanted the new Playboy magazine because Audrina Patridge is supposed to be in it. So I went to the porn store.

I wish I knew where some foreign owned gas station is that has these inappropriate magazines on their shelves so that I don't have to go to the porn store by myself. It is awkward to go to the porn store by yourself if you are a girl because everyone else in there is a couple, a threesome, or a single weirdo guy. Nonetheless, for some reason I was bored and I was avoiding doing the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD, which I had put in the DVD player right before going to the porn store.

I walk in and a cat runs by me brushing my ankles as it goes by. What?! One of my pet peeves is to not have animals in retail stores or restaurants! Mechanic shops and small offices where customers don't go in and out and places like that don't bother me, but for the most part, don't bring your pet to work!

After that, I pass the stripper shoes (I really want some of those overpriced shoes!) and the dildos and head for the magazine section and unfortunately, they don't have the issue of Playboy that I was looking for. Sad. Because I went all the way out there you would think that I would have picked up the issue they did have. I did not. There was a threesome (I don't really know their affiliation with each other but there were 2 girls and 1 guy) standing right in front of the magazine rack talking about something very redneckish that I don't even remember right now but it freaked me out to get too close to these people for some reason.

I go through the jokes/card section and end up in the cheap lingerie section. I took a look around at some of the stuff. Some of it would have been really cute if I had boobs! I realize that society doesn't really care if you are skinny as long as you have big boobs! It reminds me that my boob fund is still pretty much non-existant. I want boobs so bad!!!!

Defeated, I tell the cat goodbye and head home. There is different porn stre that I pass by everyday on my way home. I think I am going to stop there this afternoon to look for my magazine. They don't have a lingerie section!

Ready to Shred

Throughout my weight loss/fitness journey I have tried not to put a lot of money into the process because I didn't know how long I would stick with it. Besides that, there is not too awful much expense in running, which is what I seem to see the most progress with. I do not have a gym membership. Instead I have 2 sets of hand weights, a jump rope, a stability ball, and my trusty running shoes.

I do watch a couple of different shows on FitTV and I really like doing that, but the downfall is that at the end of the 30 minute or 1 hour show I am just getting started rather than ready to cool down like they are. I have a hard time following along with these shows on a regular basis because of my schedule and because I don't want C to be watching me while I sweat it out. This is not a bad way to get going though since it always changes and a lot of the shows work out a different body area everyday. It keeps your body guessing from day to day to do belly dancing one day and then circuit training the next day.

I have always liked the show The Biggest Loser, but I am not a fanatic and, truth be told, I used to watch it snacking on a bag of chips or a piece of chocolate cake. Jillian Michaels is my least favorite trainer on the show, however, I have heard that her Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD is the most awesome thing in the history of workout DVDs. So, I asked for it for Christmas and one of my co-workers got it for me. I must say that even though I am not a Jillian fan, this was what I wanted most for Christmas.

Through the Christmas & New Year's season I did not have time to try it. take the time. Besides, C was home with me a lot through the holiday and the timing just was not right.>

Tonight, I had intended to go to work, but it would be useless with the weather being wet and cold like it is so, instead, I am going to get off my butt and take on this DVD. I look forward to giving you a review of it tomorrow. I am really curious as to how this will go since I have not done a lick of work in this wonderful new year. What better way to start than a brand new DVD?

Too Lazy to Give this One a Title

A new year and I am already behind. I have not started the inspiring picture blog yet. Hell, maybe I am not that inspired! Maybe there does not need to be a blog. No, I can't let myself off that easy. I am going to push myself to do this for the inspiration (which is lacking) and many other reasons. So, look for that to come, I guess.

Lately, I have been very unmotivated. I have not ran or worked out at all. I thought the break would be what I needed to get going again. I thought all the talk of new Year's resolutions would kick start me again, but so far it hasn't. I have lost all the progress I had made with my running and I can't even run a mile anymore. I knew that would happen. What kept me motivated in the first place was knowing that I didn't want to start over. Now look where I am.

I am not sleeping at night again. The past 3 nights I have had to leave my warm comfortable bed and go sleep on the couch so I could watch TV and not wake up my husband. Just like before, I can't shut my brain off at night. I think of everything going on during the day, I sing songs in my head, I remember things from the past, just anything. My brain does not have a neutral gear for sleeping time.

I am tired during the day, which has to be a side effect of the not sleeping thing (yes, look how smart I am to figure that out!). The past few days, when my alarm goes off I re set it for a later time. When I get home all I want to do is sleep. I wanted to call in to work today because I didn't think my eyes were going to open! How childish is that?

We are dog sitting for a friend of mine that is going to New Orleans for a few days. She is going to drop the dog off this afternoon. I was planning on going walking/running (since that is what I am reduced to now) but as the day goes by taking a nap seems to be a better plan. Maybe I will sneak into a yoga class today to see if that jump starts me.

If I don't get things back together soon I am going to be the big blob that I once was. People will go back to not noticing me and I will go back to not having anything to talk about. Whoo hoo! I guess I have something to look forward to now!