Do you Care?

Saturday was one of the most frustrating days that I have had since I started selling cars. It seems like all the customers I had were dead ends. There were a couple of kids that just wanted to walk around and play in cars. I had a couple of customers who asked immediately if you have to have money down to buy a car. Just an FYI - that is usually a clue that someone can not get financed. The last customer of the day that I had was a couple who needed a hatch back car so they could haul some type of papers. (I know, huh? People have some of the weirdest reasons for buying cars. My husband had a customer once that had to have a standard transmission because people wouldn't car jack you then. (How does the person know if it is a stick or automatic before they jack you? Also, whose to say a car jacker won't know how to drive a stick??) Anyways. After that day, I needed a drink... But then, when do I ever not need a drink?

Saturday night we went to play pool with my brother-in-law and a few friends. I have not really hung out with my brother-in-law and one of the other guys in a while because they hang out with someone that I am trying to stay away from. I have to say that it was a but awkward for a minute.

In my effort to make casual conversation, I think I made one of the guys mad. He works at Starbucks and I made the comment that I have never been to Starbucks. I don't drink coffee. I realize that they sell other stuff besides coffee, but Starbucks is not even on my radar when I am looking for something to eat or drink. I don't eat fast food that often anymore anyway. About 10 minutes after having a conversation about Starbucks and how much he looovvveeesss it and I have never even been there, we had a conversation that went like this...


Me: "So, what is your favorite thing at Starbucks?"
Him: "Do you care?"
Me: "I am sorry, I was just trying to make conversation. Never mind."
Him: "Well, it isn't like you are gonna go there."
Me: "Sure you are right. Never mind."
Him: "Well, why do you care?"
Me: "Just making conversation. Just drop it. I am going to get another beer. Do you want one?"


Well, you get the point. Another awkward conversation with someone that I was very close to at one time. I should learn to just keep my mouth shut and not speak to these people unless they speak to me first. To be honest, I don't really give a shit what his favorite thing at Starbucks is. He is a funny guy and I like hanging out with him, so I thought I would make conversation. I didn't expect the attitude. I won't make that mistake again!

Memphis Turkey Trot

Me: Want to do the Turkey Trot this
year?

Steph: What's a Turkey Trot?

Me: A 5k on Thanksgiving morning. You get a free
t-shirt and a pumpkin pie!

Steph: Oh yeah! I'm there! How do we register?

Me: Go to http://memphisturkeytrot.racesonline.com/
Oh, sorry it is 4 miles... that still OK? If you don't want to do 4 miles we can
do the Turkey Leg Relay, which is shorter.

Steph: Hell no! It's worth the extra mile for the
pie!

Me: Yep, then we can go home and eat turkey &
dressing and choco cake. I love choco cake!

That's right. I am obligated to another run. That keeps me obligated through the end of the year. Maybe I will take January off! I am glad because I get do frustrated sometimes. I went running Friday afternoon and I could not make it to the end of the street. I ended up going out to eat with friends instead of exercising. Then, Saturday, I ate anything and everything. I told my husband that I thought I was done with it all. Seemed like I had lost my wind and the appeal was gone.

But Sunday at work we had a "team building" scavenger hunt on the car lot. Everybody was running from one end of the lot to the other trying to find the right cars and everybody was so out of breath. But not me! My team lost, but still. I didn't die and I didn't feel like I needed to go home. It got my blood flowing!

Sunday night when we came home, I went running while he cooked dinner. I ran 3 miles without stopping. I walked some and then ran again. I walked some on the last (4th) mile but not much. I was so proud of myself! The last 3 times I went running really really sucked and then I run farther than I ever have without walking in between.

If I can stay motivated for the next few months I will feel like I made a lifestyle change rather than just on a diet or something that I was not able to stick with.


Oh yeah, and anyone who wants to do the Memphis Turkey Trot with us let me know! You can click the link above to find out more about it. Whoo Hoo!

Silver Hyundai Sonata

This past year I have changed several things in my life. Some were things that I made efforts toward changing and some were things that were beyond my control. I have began to try more things on my own. Maybe I have even learned about who I am. To be blunt, maybe I am not the person I thought or wanted to be which might be why I have been so depressed this year.

One of the changes I made this year was wearing make-up. This is something that is usually experimented with in adolescence, but I never did. I have no idea what I am doing or if it looks how it is supposed to look. I did research and got in front of the mirror and tried different things. I looked at pictures of models and 'regular' people. Scoped out faces of people at the grocery store or the mall (From a distance, of course! I never stare either!).

Today, just for something to do while sitting in my office, I took a picture of myself. I was horrified when I looked at it. Not really because of the make-up, but just me in general, I guess. I took 3 or 4 more pictures at different angles - in front of and not in front of the window with natural light, etc. Nothing worked.

I hate my haircut. I have been trying to grow it out since I got it cut, which was about 5 or 6 months ago. My eyes are too big for my head and so is my mouth. (I guess I think I have a small head ) My skin is not pretty. I have a couple of oily spots where I break out and other spots are dry. The color of my skin is just blah. I compare myself to a silver Hyundai Sonata. It is just there. You notice that something is there, you just don't' really notice what; and you don't care to find out.

Everything about me is pretty plain. The way I dress, the things I say, the things I like. Everything. I want to change these things. I don't want to stand out, really, I just want to be noticed every now and then. Maybe that's what this year has been about.

In taking that picture I realize that I really have not made much progress toward any of the goals that I set in order to make myself feel better. I have not gone backward, but definitely not forward either. That's another quality of being the silver Hyundai Sonata - Just the same.

I guess that as of now I am deciding that I accept it and I am moving on. I have struggled a lot with this and I am just going to let it go and realize that it ain't happenin!

Thanks everybody for listening to me rant and helping me come to this conclusion!

Lemurs and Birthday News

I overheard someone say that a squirrel was their favorite animal - second to a lemur. Maybe I came in on this conversation a little late and didn't get it! My favorite animal is a dog. Specifically, an English Bulldog named Biscuit. Just thought I would throw that out there. I wonder how many people share this girl's love for lemurs and squirrels!

Back to important stuff - I am getting excited about my husband's birthday. I am wrapping up stuff for the goth party. The living room will be decorated like a funeral and the kitchen is going to resemble a reception at a goth wedding.

This party is shared between my husband, one of our female friends and another guy. I talked to the other guy's wife last night and she had some pretty good ideas for the cake if I can't get what I want together. The only thing I am really worried about now is people behaving at the party. We have some special circumstances this year that we have not had in year's past. Not any real big deal, but my reputation is on the line with this one! We are inviting so many more people this year than last year too and some I won't know and some I have not know for too long.

I am also getting very excited to actually give hubby his gift. He keeps trying to catch me off guard and slip up and tell him what I got him. Last night when we got into bed he started trying to guess what it is and where I am keeping it! This is the first time I have really had something over on him so I am having fun with it! I told him that I would give him a hint this weekend. we will see if i actually give him a hint. HAHA I am evil!

STOP IT!!!

In light of Friday's heard of dumb asses running to the gas pumps to fill up before a hurricane hit hundreds and hundreds of miles away, local government officials are encouraging you to go to the appropriate offices with your receipt if you think you were a victim of price gouging at the pump.

Let me just express my opinion that if you were a price gouging victim over the weekend then you are a dumb ass who deserves to pay what you were charged. It is very obvious when a station charges .20, .30 or as much as $1 more than other stations in the area that they are taking advantage of you.

Another point I would like to make is that if we don't all run to the gas station at one time to fill causing the stations to run out of gas, then the supply & demand won't fluctuate and therefore, our prices will not fluctuate near as much. Most of the increase in price is due to the media and the dumb ass factor.

I live in Memphis, TN (If you are not aware, Memphis is light years away from Galveston or Houston, TX). The tankers never stopped coming into our area because of hurricane Ike. There was no need for anyone to jump up and run to the gas station unless you were out of gas anyway and it was your time to stop for gas or if you needed a 20 oz drink and some black n milds.

CALM DOWN PEOPLE. DUMB ASSES MAKE ME SICK!!!

Pink Flamingos

Today is Friday! Whoo hoo! I do not have to work at my second job today! There is a possibility that one of my customers could call me this afternoon and say that he has all of his stips together to finally buy this car he has been looking at. So if that happens it will kind of suck cause my husband and I made plans to go and see a band that he likes play down town.

Every year one of the local radio stations puts on a concert at an amphitheatre and they always have awesome bands and we always have a good time. But, this year we both have to work until 8PM so we are not going to be able to make it to the concert this year, which sucks.

This concert kind of makes up for us not being able to go to that. Not really, because Shinedown, Avenged Sevenfold, Saving Able, and Buck Cherry will all be at the radio station concert, which will be so AWESOME! But, we like Egypt Central too. They are a local band and, to be honest, I like them a whole lot better live than I do on the radio. They put on a good show. Here are the links to the band's websites in case you want to check any of these out. They are all really cool bands. Egypt Central is a local band and Saving Able is from MS, not far from here.

http://www.shinedown.com/ http://www.avengedsevenfold.com/
http://community.buckcherry.com/ http://www.savingabel.com/
http://www.egyptcentral.net/

On another note...Some friends of ours live on a street called Flamingo Ave. I guess, to be funny, they have an inflatable pink flamingo tied to their front porch. Last night my husband and I were out and we decided to go by their house and steal the flamingo. We turn on the street and I tell my husband to stop a few houses down from theirs and pull over and turn off the lights. I jump put of the car and run 2 or 3 houses down the street to their house. Both of their cars are in the drive way; their motion light comes on basically spotlighting me! I am terrified that their dogs are going to start barking! So, instead of uniting the flamingo, I just yank it and it comes free and I run back to the car as fast as I can hoping they don't come out of the house.

I jump back in the car and me and my husband look up and guess what? There was a lady sitting on the front porch of the house we parked in front of!!! HAHAHAHA all this planning and trying to be careful and we didn't even notice that there was someone sitting there the whole time and saw everything!! So much for my ninja skills. HAHAHA Don't ever ask me to plan a covert operation!


I am going to carry this flamingo around with me in my car and take various pictures of it in different areas of town and send them to my friends. If you have any funny ideas for pics let me know!

Are you Serious?

Today, I am talking about something that pisses me off to no end. Ok, I admit, at one time I did have a Myspace account. It was a novel idea that was fun to play on for a couple of months and then the 'new' wore off and I lost interest & deleted the account. I do have several friends who still have them and that is a major means of communication. So, today I went to a friend's page to see if she had posted anything about how things were going between her & a guy she is dating. (yea, I know - I was stalking. I was trying to find out information that I should have just picked up the phone and called her about!)

In looking through her page, I noticed that one of our mutual friend's 10 year old daughter has a Myspace. Last I heard you have to be 14 to have a Myspace so the child had to have lied about her age in order to set up the account. That is not what I am freaking out over though. Her name on Myspace is "sexii lexii." After noticing the name, I noticed that her mom is one of her friends, therefore has to be aware of the child's name on the account.

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*DISCLAIMER* I do not have kids therefore, I realize that I really am not allowed to have an opinion on this subject. I am in no way telling my friend how to raise her kids. I am stating my opinion and, granted, maybe I should keep my mouth shut. Possible irrational behaviors or statements may follow.
*************************************************************************************

There are reasons why the minimum age for Myspace is 14. When someone does one of those surveys or blog posts then the girl has access to it and some of those things are definitely not kid-friendly. Maybe the kid is mature to those things (which, I am sorry to say, would be sad at 10 or 11 ish years old) or if she is trusted to recognize the content and not look at those things. Even if these things were true - I don't think she should be allowed to have a name of that content.

I have sat here and typed 5 or 6 lines and then deleted them for fear of offending someone, which was not my intent with this post. I realize that despite my disclaimer earlier in the post, I probably need to keep my mouth shut and let people make their own opinions. Therefore, I am cutting this one short. Sorry for the abrupt end, but this is it. Maybe I can revise this after I have had a couple of days to think on it. Maybe I am being irrational and need a couple of days to think about it.

DON'T VOTE

With the upcoming election, there are a few things I would like to get off my chest.

If you are planning on voting for a candidate because of the color of his/her skin or because they are sexy or whatever, please do me a favor and DON'T VOTE.

If you are planning on voting for a candidate because you have seen more commercials for that person/campaign, please DON'T VOTE.

If you are planning on voting for one candidate or another because your favorite celebrity endorsed that candidate (or because your favorite celebrity speaks against a candidate) please, DON'T VOTE

If you do not actually know anything about where any of the candidates stand on the issues or where you stand on those same issues then, DON'T VOTE.

If you don't know anything about either candidate but like one of their names over the other then, please DON'T VOTE.

If you are planning on voting for the candidate with the cutest kid(s) then, please DON'T VOTE.

If you are not aware that there are more than two candidates running in the presidential election, please DON'T VOTE. (I don't expect you to know as much about these candidates as the primary parties candidates, but you should be aware that there are, in fact, more than 2 candidates)

If you have not done your own research of some sort to find out about the validity of accusations directed toward each candidate and made an informed decision as to whether or not you find those accusations to be true then, please DON'T VOTE

In short.... There are several reasons why you should vote. You have heard them all, I am sure. But, please be aware that there are also reasons why you should NOT VOTE.

This is the future of our country we are talking about and some of us take it very seriously. With the future seemingly more unknown than it has been in my generation I definitely encourage everyone vote, but know what you are voting for or against.

There are tons more reasons to NOT VOTE, but I think you get the idea.

MAYBE Expectations

So many times in our lives, things don't turn out the way we planned or the way we thought they should have. Right now, I am severely discouraged because I am going through a time where that is happening ALOT. It makes me wonder if my expectations are too high or if I am naive or unreasonable.

You know, they say that if everybody thinks it but you, then you must be the weird one. That is kind of how I am looking at this. If everything is going wrong, maybe it is my thinking that is actually wrong. Maybe I shouldn't expect so much or maybe I am expecting the wrong things.

For instance, I always expected that my husband would always be my best friend. I hindsight, I realize that may have been a little naive.

I expected that I would be a confident person and that I would never be afraid to try anything new or different. Now, I realize that I probably have low self-esteem which can really get in the way of the confidence thing! I am not afraid to try new things, but I think that I don't do as good of a job as I could because I hold back some.

Even small things turn out this way. I just assume that if someone says that they are going to do something, then, they do it. Maybe other people don't actually take it that seriously. Maybe things aren't really a big deal.

Tell me if this is psycho, but I take it personally when I make plans with someone and they don't come through. I look at it as I was not important enough to keep the engagement for.

It is the "maybes" and "ifs" that drive me crazy. I mean, just count how many times I said "maybe" in this post.

MAYBE, if I put some distance between my husband and myself, things will get a little better. The problem is that I don't really know how to be a "wife." We have always been on a level of friends and now I feel like I have lost that element and I am just his wife (which, by the way, I look at as a down grade. I don't care what anybody says, the wife gets less respect than a friend.).

Then again, MAYBE, if I put distance between us, he will take it the wrong way and think that I am trying to pull away from him. Who knows. IF that happens, then I will surely screw everything up and it will be worse than it is now.

All I can say is... Pray for Me, PLEASE!


Updated Post: 09/08/08 10:56AM

This is my horoscope for the week according to MSN.com's horoscope. I found it to be interesting in light of this blog entry. Tell me what you think.

Your Lovescope - Week of September 8, 2008
Spats with the one you love may escalate during the first three days of this week as critical lunar energy steps in and helps to point out all the things that you don't like about your romantic situation. During this time it's especially important that you not get down on yourself for past actions. Guilt doesn't do anyone any good, so let it go and move on. Furthermore, if you start to feel your romantic partner coming down too hard on you, speak up in the moment instead of absorbing the attack and then running away and letting it fester as an open wound for months. For you, the real magic comes alive on Saturday and Sunday when the Moon swims in sensual Pisces and helps fulfill your romantic fantasies. This is the time for you and the one you love to expose your true sensitivity and enjoy the cozy, tender bliss that you crave.

Strange Noises

I am sitting in my office at 7:54 this morning, goofing off for another few minutes before I get serious about work and I think I heard the guy in the next office pass gas! Or, fart, or whatever work you want to enter here! Dang! This is a gassy office!

When I first started working here, I was a smoker. There is only one other person who smokes so me and her would go outside together for a smoke break. She had the walking poots! HAHAHA! It is hard to ignore when there are only two of you. It took all the self control and restraint to keep from laughing. This happened more than once, too.

The guy in the next office burps all the time. That is not as funny as when he farts though! Hopefully, something better than this will happen today though!

My Break Up Letter

This is very hard for me to write. I have known this was coming for a long time and I feel that I have worked very hard to avoid this. But, I don't feel that my efforts have been reciprocated. It hurts me beyond belief to have to end this relationship. I have suffered break ups in the past but those were not like this is going to be. In past relationships, I had only given pieces of my heart away and in this relationship, I foolishly gave my whole heart away. We had a great weekend together and for that I am grateful. I think we were able to hold things in for appearances sake and I don't think anyone knew this was coming. To explain to everyone how I feel I am posting this letter to make it easier for everybody to understand.


You and I were best friends for so long before we were serious, which is what makes this ten times harder than any other. I have come to realize that my dependence on you has been detrimental to my mental and physical health. I was once a much stronger person before you came along and swept me off my feet. In these last few months you may have noticed me pulling away from you emotionally. I have tried to cover it up so that you have not noticed, but I know you are smarter than that.

Over the years, I have come to feel like I can't make it through the day without having your sweet kiss. But, that kiss is not good for me. People have warned me for years that you would eventually cause me heartache, but you are so sweet to me that I didn't listen. I thought we could make it through anything together.

We have had so many great memories together. It will be hard to go through the upcoming holidays and birthdays without you, but I really feel this is for the best. I will never forget that you have always been there for me. In good times we celebrated together. In the bad times you were there for me to lean on. Even on a Saturday afternoon when I just needed a friend, I knew I could always count on you. I have counted on you too much lately though.

I am doing this just as much for me as I am for you. It is not fair for me to use you all the time like this. I hate knowing that I can use you to satisfy my needs and then throw you away, empty. I should not be that kind of person.

As I write this letter, you can probably hear the tears welling up in my eyes. I know that you have a charming, although dark side which always lures me in, but I pray that you take it easy on me this time.

I can no longer look forward to going home to find you waiting there. As a matter of fact, I must ask you to move out of the house entirely. This is MY house and I know I said I would make this as easy as possible, but I must insist that you leave. The sooner the better, because the pain of knowing what is coming is almost unbearable..

I do hope that one day you and I can at least be friends again one day. I thought we would always be together. I can't see spending the rest of my life without you but right now I don't see another way. I know that our paths will cross again when we are both stronger and can have a relationship conducive to both of us.

Until then, when I see you in public, I will ignore you and I would appreciate it if you respect me enough not to call out to me either. It hurts too much right now for me to be civil - even in public. I have always loved you and always will.

Please remember me always......

My love affair with chocolate is over. This is going to be a messy split so any support you can give me is very much appreciated. I am working hard to meet certain goals and I feel that chocolate is standing in my way. I can't let it hold me back anymore. From this day forward I am trying to kick my biggest weakness. The irresistible call of dark chocolate is what I think will be the hardest. Therefore, if I am cranky or irritable please bear with me.