Christmas in July?

Picture It: Christmas night 2007 at Aunt Joy's opening presents. My brother-in-law hands me a box about a foot and a half long and about the width of my hand. Wow, I love presents! Chris is very good at wrapping, too, especially for a guy. It is metallic snowman paper with a pretty blue fabric ribbon. He knows that snowmen were my theme this year for Christmas. How sweet!

But, who are we kidding? I don't actually care about the wrapping paper and bow! I tear it open and look into the box... guess what it is. Can't guess? Well, I will tell ya. It is a bottle of my favorite brand of vodka! Now, I know that people give fine wines or aged burbon for presents, but people don't give $5 bottles of vodka! Everyone looks at me and says, "How nice! That's the perfect gift for you!" or " I bet you can't wait to get into that! Would you like a glass?"

OK, shouldn't someone be concerned that I drink enough for someone to think that the perfect Christmas gift for me is a bottle of cheap liquor!? These people have seen me stumble around my living room and fall down. They have heard me slur my speech and ramble incoherantly. There have been times when I tried to hide that I took a few sips or added it to my tea before putting up with my mother in law, but everybody knew that I did it. I know that they talk behind my back about my drinking. There have been very bad times! So, this is still the perfect gift for me?

The truth is that it was the perfect gift. That's what I got the most use out of. It is what I mentioned when people asked me what I got for Christmas. When we were too tired and full from food to unload all the Christmas stuff from the car that night, I grabbed that bottle and brought it in the house - my excuse being, "I can carry this in one hand. It doesn't take that much energy to go ahead and take it in the house!" The truth is that at the time, I didn't wonder if anyone should have been concerned. I thought it was the perfect gift too! In fact, I was glad they thought that so that I didn't have to feel like I should be ashamed or like I had to hide anything.

It has obviously been a few months since Christmas, but I am finally realizing that I need to stop drinking. Christmas is just one story that I look back on and think that alcohol had too much influence. I can't remember anything else that I got that Christmas. That's bad.

There are several true alcoholics in my family. My dad has been sober for about 15 years though. He just quit one day after he and my mom got into a fight. That was the only time I saw them throw things at each other! But that was the last straw for him, I guess.

I know that I can't just quit "cold turkey" like he did. Therefore, I am just drinking beer for the time being. I know that's not how AA would tell you to do it, but I am going to see if it works for me. I have never been a beer drinker. I hate the way it tastes, smells, and makes you feel full. Since I was 11 years old I have preferred hard liquor.

Lately, I have been content to have a couple of beers when people around me drink socially. That way I feel like I can still have fun. I don't think that I even get a buzz from it, but psychologically I think I am doing something! Now you all know how simple minded I am!

So, for now, this is what's going on with me. The weekends are the worst because that's when I drink the most. But, maybe if I do this for myself now, then I will get something besides liquor for Christmas this year! So, in short, this is my Christmas in July.