Set Backs

When I started loosing weight I was not sure where it was going to take me or if I would stick with it so I did not tell any of my friends or my husband. If I didn't stick with it I didn't want to seem like a failure. Well, people noticed I was loosing weight and after a few months I figured there is a pretty good shot I would stick to it. To make a long story short, a couple of my friends have started trying to loose weight too so they ask for my advice or ask what I do in certain situations.


On the other hand, I have a friend who has always been oober work out girl. Just an FYI - I didn't know that she worked out that much before I started my process and she was asking me about it. We registered for 2 5k races this weekend together and I have been looking forward to it for a couple of weeks. So, last night we met at a local park to run together for the first time. I have been sick for the past couple of days, but not fall out sick. I am congested a bit and I have that feeling that there is something in my throat. We get out there and the weather is beautiful The track circles a gorgeous lake and the wind was blowing. Pretty much everything was perfect. So, we start running. Almost immediately, my throat closes up and my chest tightens! I feel like I did when I smoked! It was awful. I felt horrible. I went around the track once and then sat down for a minute and hocked up my lungs. Then, I set out again and I caught up with my friend, but I could not run for very long at a time.

I hope to God that last night was just because I have not been feeling well. I felt so inferior. I felt like all my hard work didn't mean anything.

We rescheduled to try it again on Thursday. I hope it goes better! We have these races this weekend and I hope they are a total waste because I am sick.

Wish Me Luck!

Becoming a wife

I have so many emotions right now for some reason. And, I don't mean this very moment, I mean in general, at this time in my life, or something. I am excited about my 5K that is coming up, I am excited about my weight loss and the feeling of accomplishment is gives me. At the same time, I feel kind of down about some other things. I feel like my relationship with my husband has changed so much. I don't think it is because I have changed. I know that I have changed, but I feel that my changes were in response to him and my closest best friend changed and I felt like they abandoned me at the same time. Those were the 2 people that I spend all my time with and I didn't have anything (I felt). When I was at home by myself, I started exercising and keeping my attention on doing this or that so that I didn't have to acknowledge some things. This is also the reason that I decided to get a 2nd job. (now everybody should understand why I say I didn't get the job for the money). And out of that came me training to run a 5K in September! I am worried that my husband will leave me because I am different now. I am scared that he won't think that we have anything in common anymore. I want to keep doing this though. I want to look good for him as well as myself. I want him to be proud that I am his wife. I don't want to revert to my old ways because I like the changes in my body and I think it helps me emotionally to stay busy. But, I want to make sure that I keep my husband!! I love him the same, if not more, than I ever have. I hate it because he actually gets frustrated with me now. If I am upset, I know that he can not help me. I know that because of the responses I have received from him after asking him for help. So, when I get upset now I try to handle it on my own and not involve him. But, he gets mad at me. We have never done this before. This is the first time in my life when I think that he goes back to his friends and talks about me like I am the "ball & chain" or something. I have always been his friend first and wife second and I am scared that the balance is shifting. I don't like that. Wives get a lot less respect than friends do. Maybe that is just with the people that I know, but I don't know any guy who might be an exception to this rule. This sucks. I don't know what else to say about it.