There is nothing that makes me feel more accomplished these days than having a good run. I never know before I start if I am going to have a "good" run or a "not-so-good run." I put the terms in quotations because I am finding that every run is good for me. I love it.
There is no rhyme or reason as to what makes a quality run. It isn't dependent on how long it has been since I ate, what kind of day I had at work, or what house work I have to do when I get home. I can be mentally dog tired and/or physically exhausted, but nothing else matters once I step out on the sidewalk. I close off my mind and look forward.
I have not been a runner for too long and before this I was a
sedentary person who looked at other people and wondered how they did it. Now, I understand. I have the disease. It is an addiction.
The familiar sights, sounds, and smells are my security blanket. When I turn the corner out of my neighborhood and the houses clear to to the lake, it keeps me going. The soft breeze hits my face and the ground under my feet turns to sand. The soft crunch keeps me in my
rhythm.
I push the air in and out of my lungs and it feels great! As a former smoker, I never thought I could do this! Each time I make it to the next lamppost or driveway I get a rush that doesn't compare to anything else I have ever experienced. Now, I know what adrenaline feels like! Now, I know what it feels like to push myself
beyond what I ever imagined and come out on the
other side and realize that I made it. I didn't drop from exhaustion and my chest didn't explode. I am stronger than I thought I was!
I feel sweat pooling on the back of my neck and I consider it as my hard work becoming tangible. I can touch it, feel it, smell it. That is part of the experience. It is part of what I love.
Making the block and coming back into the neighborhood, I see people watching me jog by them. I wonder if they have the same thoughts I used to have. Do they wonder if they can do this too? Do they think I am a crazy health nut? Because I am not. I am not far off from a college kid who drinks too much alcohol and gorges on fast food and chocolate. If I can do it, they can too.
It is all another part of the rush for me though. I want to become accomplished enough be worthy of being a role model for other people to get hooked on my addiction. In a sense, I want to be a dealer.
When I step back into my yard, I am happy that I took another day to feed my addiction. I take another deep breath and image the blood pumping through my veins as fast as my heart is pumping it out. I feel renewed. My head is clear. I feel like a normal person. As if I belong somewhere.
You see, when I am running, I am my biggest fan. The 'real' me doesn't have it in her to accomplish this, does she?
A few months ago, I really thought that I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I felt like no one understood and like I was all alone. That's not to say that I don't have a lot of people around me that care about me or love me. Since I have been running, my mental health has improved tremendously. Sometimes, I do still feel like I am alone, but then, I think that if I can run when I had no business running and come this far with it, then I don't need to be as dependent on other people. I can rely on myself more than I ever thought I could!
So, here's to running and here's to doing something you never thought you could. I think everybody should go out and do something totally out of character and see what comes out of it. You might learn something about yourself.
